I had to do some creative writing thing for school so this is what I game up with:
Creative writing by Gabrielle Depierre: (Punctuationmatters)
Eighteen months, 547 days; 13128 hours; 787680 minutes; 47260800 seconds It seems like forever and yet no time at all. I’ve changed. Sitting here and thinking about what happened makes me realize how much I have changed and how much those times made me who I am. When I sat in my room those days, months and years ago the things I felt were unexplainable. It was as though my mind became consumed by dark thoughts which in turn over ran my body. It was a lost and lonely time.
If you can imagine a glass of clear water which has suddenly had a well of ink tipped into it… That was me. Once it is in, it’s in forever. It stains everything. At first it swirls and feels good but soon there is no clarity at all, just darkening shades of darkness.
The first time I felt it was when I realized how lonely I was. When you look from darkness into darkness, you feel there is no-where to go in life. That’s how I felt. Unsupported. Not that anyone knew. I hid the feelings with a fake smile, a laugh and an “I’m good!” No one heard me cry at night, face pushed deep into my pillow to block out the world.
No one read the words i wrote when I put pen to paper, no one felt the blade to my wrist, no one felt the coldness of the night when everyone was asleep and I walked out and filled my lungs with poison. Did I mention the blade to my wrist? Do you know what that’s like? Do you know the calmness of knowing you are one sharp movement away from peace? What was the point in being alive? Life was pain, like walking barefoot across broken glass, each step driving the grinding splinters further into my foot and my soul. No one can see when the bottoms of your feet are cut and bleeding. But even worse, no one can see your soul.
It wasn’t like it started at one particular time. Gradually and then suddenly, that sounds about right. I woke up one morning, feeling like shit, like waking up was actually an effort for me. I thought maybe I just didn’t get enough sleep. My body seemed to sink into the bed until I was unable to even move. All I wanted was sleep. To shut my eyes and check out of life. I went through the day feeling like the world had something against me. Morning after morning, day after day it became more and more noticeable, I started thinking what else it could be, maybe I was sick?
That’s when I started blocking people out, pushing them away like I’d never met them before. I started waking up exhausted to the point I wouldn’t even get out of bed. It felt like I was getting drowned by a black wave, under layers and layers of disbelief.
When I got upset something inside me shut down. It felt like I should’ve been crying or screaming but I couldn’t even feel the pain I knew was inside me. So instead I went flat. I felt nothing. I went silent while my mind drove itself into insanity and took me along with it into a world of constant self loathing and unfelt pain.
(Source: punctuationmatters)
indescribable-mind asked: you're so so so pretty by the way :)
aw! thank you :) x
